An Understanding
by koneko zero
Summary: “Near is confused and intrigued and still just a tad bit upset, but the space within his ribs feels oddly warm all of a sudden.” Near Matt friendship, MattMello. SPOILERS.


**Title:** An Understanding

**Characters & Pairing:** Near, Matt x Mello  
**Genre:** Friendship, Drama  
**Spoilers:** Episodes 25-35, Chapters 58-99  
**Warnings:** Swearing  
**Status:** Complete  
**Summary:** "Near is confused and intrigued and still just a tad bit upset, but the space within his ribs feels oddly warm all of a sudden." Near + Matt friendship, MattMello.

-- -- --

**AN UNDERSTANDING**

--

Near has known of Matt's existence ever since his arrival at Wammy's and subsequent appearance in third place. He knows that the small redhead is Mello's best friend, he knows that this fact evokes some rather unpleasant feelings from within his ribcage, and he knows that Matt's avoidance of all other human interaction signals a potential weakness.

Near is, however, now becoming **aware** of Matt for the very first time, as the boy waits until his golden-haired partner has disappeared around the corner before carefully stepping forwards through the remnants of Near's toy collection, and producing several of his better-known favourites from his various pockets. He places them carefully on the scratched chestnut table between them, Near's eyes following every twitch of his fingers, and steps back with a whispered apology and a Japanese-style bow.

Before Near can properly react, it seems that Matt analyses his expression with a quick glance up from his battered trainers and a nod, and then he's out the door and already half-way down the hall.

And Near is confused and intrigued and still just a tad bit upset, but the space within his ribs feels oddly warm all of a sudden.

Aside from that, he feels a burning desire to know why exactly a thirteen-year-old Caucasian boy with a blatant south London accent would so naturally use such an obviously Japanese gesture.

--

Mello's disapproval is made clear the next day, when he spots Near playing with one of his favourite sudoku cubes. There is a snarled instruction, raised voices (87% one voice, actually, if Near's hearing is true), a thump and a yelp. Mello can be seen storming past the playroom door, followed by a slightly staggering Matt whose jaw is already beginning to swell and bruise.

A little part of Near, which he really isn't terribly proud of, flares with joy at the sight of the two friends so obviously in disagreement. Most of him, however, can't help but feel bad for the short redhead, and even more grateful for his robot and puzzles.

--

By dinnertime, it seems that Matt's transgression has been forgiven. Wammy's resident terrors spend the meal tormenting three boys at the other end of the table. Mello teases one of the older girls too, to a lesser extent, but at that point Matt is silent.

For some reason, this seems important.

At Wammy's they are encouraged not to discriminate between the sexes, and yet when Near thinks back he can't remember a single instance of Matt teasing or pranking a girl, and certainly not to the extent that he does the boys.

Such a complex must have been born beforehand. Brought up by a female family member? Most likely. Possibly a neighbour, too, of course.

Also, Mello curbed his teasing of the girls approximately one month after Matt's arrival. For him to continue to respect such a complex must mean that it truly disturbs Matt to cause or see a female distressed or hurt.

Ah.

This is private and personal territory. Besides which, there is no way to confirm his speculations without hurting Matt, and Near finds himself remarkably unwilling to do so, even in the pursuit of knowledge. Near redirects his mind to focus instead on what L told him about his last case involving a teenaged murderess.

It doesn't prevent him noticing the way that Matt grips his knife and fork when Mello goes a little too far.

He also can't help but wonder what sort of complex caused Matt to attempt to protect **him** a little.

--

After two weeks, Near is ready to give up. He's angry with himself, Mello, Matt, the world in general, and Matt.

The boy plays computer games and reads all manner of manga and comics; passes notes with Mello during classes and harasses the other boys at mealtimes; smokes at the rate Mello devours chocolate and ingests more junk food than Near cares to consider.

Besides, it seems that Matt and, more significantly, Mello have picked up on his constant observation. The blonde is keeping his friend close at all times – keeps challenging Near's gaze and edging closer like he's staking a claim.

Despite his new intent to 'let sleeping dogs lie' and occupy his brain with more interesting matters, when the boys begin to leave this time he calls one back.

"Matt? I'd like a word, please."

He speaks at a regular volume, but the room goes silent as though he yelled. Mello's fury and the sudden tension are tangible beasts stalking the walls of the small library, and Near finds himself doing one thing he'd never even considered before. He looks to Roger for back-up.

Eyes widen and the beasts growl.

Roger gestures with a stern look and now it's Mello growling as Near and an unwilling Matt head out and down the hall to an empty workroom.

The older gentleman steps back and ushers the two youths through the door, closes it behind them and walks away. Near can hear his calm footfalls fading away, and predicts they have just a little under five minutes, at best, before the infuriated blonde whirlwind finds them and whisks Matt away.

Time to get to the point, then.

"Why did you save my toys?" he asks as he turns, and catches the look of apprehension just before it transforms into confusion.

"What?"

"Why did you save my toys." He detests repeating himself.

"What does it matter?" Defensive. There is a reason, it does matter, and the redhead finds it potentially embarrassing.

"You chose to defend me, in a manner, and I wish to understand why. You have no qualms about bullying any of the other boys he-"

"Oi!" Close, loud, finger levelled. Touched a nerve, obviously. "Mels and I don't 'bully'. If they start on him, or us, we finish it. Simple as."

"They don-" He also detests being interrupted, and especially by undignified snorts.

"They **do**, Near. You should tune in next time you walk down the halls. You're first, favourite, quiet and distant. They probably got bored before I even arrived, when you didn't respond. Mello's too fierce." Pride? Hm. "He fights back, reacts, so they keep it up."

"They are afraid of him."

"Well, yeah, I know that. It's subtle, anyway. Muttering in the halls, rumours, snide jokes and looks. They know not to get close. If he doesn't break their fingers, I bloody well will." More pride. Fiercer – the truth. It's been a long while since Near was last nervous in another's presence, and he pauses.

"You're avoiding the original query."

Matt looks surprised, and Near feels wrong-footed. "'M not. You don't do anything to him. To either of us."

'Wrong-footed' becomes full-blown confusion, and must show on his face, because Matt's voice softens and he smiles a little.

"You score higher than him. I get that he doesn't like that. Mel wants to be the best, needs to be the best, because L's his hero and L **is** the best. But it's not your fault that you test better. You're going to try your best. That's that. You should, too, kid, you're damned good aside from the interaction issues." He's not entirely certain he likes being taunted with a weakness just there. "You never rub his face in it or anything. You just do your thing. That's cool."

Near remains silent. He believes he understands the gist of what Matt's saying, but a sadistic part of him wants to see if the loyal, loyal boy before him will actually say it.

He will. "Mel, well. I love the guy, but he shouldn't mess with you like that. That **is** bullying. And I'm sorry, but I won't keep arguing with him over it, 'cause I know I can't stop him and I don't want to lose him, but that doesn't mean I can't try to stay out of it and help you out when I can, y'know?" By now his face clashes terribly with his hair, and he looks defiant and awkward and proud and ashamed all at once. For a second, Near can't help the whimsical speculation that surely he should explode if one more emotion is added.

But then everything is falling into place and Near thinks that maybe Matt is the first person he's genuinely understood since the times he doesn't think of.

He should say thank you, perhaps, but there are thundering footsteps advancing down the hall, and a part of him registers just how early the other is, so it's just a smile and a nod before Mello crashes through the door and the two older boys disappear.

--

Near does 'tune in' as Matt put it, and is rather taken aback. Until then he'd remained slightly suspicious of Matt's claims, but those doubts are put to rest firmly and briskly.

When he enters the classroom, he catches Matt's eye, and gives a very slight nod. The way Matt's eyes light up takes him off guard, but he continues past and takes his usual seat anyway.

--

Little looks and the odd comment here and there, and the two are almost friends.

Almost.

Matt still sticks to Mello, as his loyal friend and minion. A few times, Near spots slight disapproval and sometimes fear, but he also sees a depth of love that shocks and throws him. A part of him is ashamed to have pried into the boy's heart, but more of him relishes the new understanding.

He also sympathises. Matt's love may be of the more intense variety, but Near has longed for Mello to be his strong older brother for more years than Matt's been at his side, and knows the feelings of inadequacy inflicted under that azure gaze all too well. It's why he felt such distain for Matt when the little boy arrived from nowhere and achieved what Near had wished to try for years.

He doesn't realise it just then, but Near's heart promises to be there for Matt as the redhead glances across and offers a small smile.

--

The final frontier is crossed a fortnight later, when Matt creeps into Near's room one Thursday evening during Mello's mentoring session.

Honestly, Near isn't even surprised. It seems logical, and he's glad for the company. It makes for a nice change of pace.

They play with train sets and building blocks for an hour and a half, when Matt has to leave to meet Mello.

Near promises to go across the hall to **their** room next week for a Mortal Kombat tournament.

--

Their closeness takes even the two of them off guard here and there.

It becomes customary for Near to find Matt whenever he feels a longing for conversation or friendship or contact. It's strange, knowing he can rely on the other boy for such things. It's also strange how very much he enjoys returning the favour when Matt comes to him for calm and quiet.

The first time Matt cries in front of him, he feels an awful ache within his ribcage and a burning just below his diaphragm, but knows better than to do anything more than pat the boy gently on the shoulder and let him cling a little.

He doesn't cry in front of Matt. Somehow, however, the boy knows when he's displeased or unsettled, and somehow never fails to distract and reassure him all at once.

A few times, it occurs to him that this is what he always wanted from Mello, not Matt, and he feels slightly disgusted with himself.

--

He should be concerned for himself. That would be the logical reaction. An enemy that could defeat L is not one to be taken lightly. He has never visited America before. He has no idea where to start.

However.

His feet have brought him straight to Matt's door, because he knew that Mello would rather leave him here, safe, than take him into danger. He also knew that Matt wouldn't see it that way.

He's right.

He opens the door and is met with a face-full of cotton and feathers. He hadn't realised how much being hit with a pillow could hurt, in truth, and files that fact away for later.

"Matt."

"Fuck off."

The reaction he expected, unfortunately. The sheer depth of the pain in Matt's eyes, though, was distinctly underestimated, and he feels a stabbing echo and answer pierce him from head to toe.

"He left me too, you selfish git."

Near himself is vaguely surprised at his language, but Matt looks thoroughly staggered, so he takes the chance while he can and lies down next to him on the missing boy's bed, surrounded by the smell of chocolate and shampoo and Mello and Matt. The last surprises him too, and he makes a note to be more prepared for such things when he lands in the US. Fraternization among team-mates is normal for those in their twenties.

When Matt apologises, it's so quiet that he almost misses it in the midst of his mental preparations.

He doesn't miss the boy shifting forwards to curl, still wounded but much calmer, against his chest.

Until he feel comfort flood his being, he doesn't register how wounded he himself is by Mello's abandonment.

The next morning, Matt kisses his cheek and they never mention it again.

--

Near stares at the screen until there is a close up of the bloodied face and cracked goggles and he has to turn away, his mind showing a film-reel of the young man's smiles and laughs and longing and the sunlight glinting on his goggles when he waved him off all those years ago at Gate 5 in Heathrow, and his eyes burn and his chest aches and he thinks he might actually disgrace himself by vomiting.

A small, twisted part of him hopes Mello sees, hopes Mello knows what Matt sacrificed for his foolish loyalty and love.

Another just hopes that Mello makes it out alive.

-- -- --

Please review if you have the time! No flames please, but constructive criticism is very welcome.


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